The Legend of Zelda, Damn Sprites

I play a lot of video games, that is no lie. Don't even get me started on Skyrim. I, like every nerd, have already devoted too much of my life to it to want to hear anything about Dragons right now. In fact to get off my addiction to Skyrim, I started playing the newest Legend of Zelda. I've got to say as a Legend of Zelda fan it's a pretty great game to add to the series, as frustrating as some of the motion heavy swimming and flying controls can be to figure out, they get pretty easy quick. The only thing about this game that manages to get on my nerves every single time I play it, no matter where I am, is the damn sword. And not even the actually sword, rather the spirit/genie thing that pops up every now and then. And when I say every now and then, I mean literally any time something even slightly relevant happens.

These always come up as these short little messages where the game comes to a stop, you see this bitch come out of your sword like you're not busy jumping around lava, and she tells you something stupid like "Master, there is a 90% chance that this lava will kill you." And then it just goes back into the sword and the game continues.

Never mind the fact that this ghost robot delivers each of these messages while staring at you with its cold dead nothing eyes. There aren't even eyes on its face, just a place where eyes were clearly supposed to go but Nintendo thought that people really love their sword genies to look like flamboyant yet soulless robots.

Basically every Legend of Zelda game feels the need to throw in some obnoxious yet "helpful" little sprite character like this (I think her name is Fi). In Ocarina of time and Majora's Mask (not that I ever finished that one) they were both little fairies, I seem to remember the second one being more obnoxious (hey, hey!) And in Twilight Princess it was Midna, who despite also giving annoying reminders, could at least participate in combat situations and solve puzzles. I don't know if Nintendo just doesn't listen to their fans who for the most part hate all of these characters, or if they just think we're all really really stupid and need fairies to tell us some of the most obvious shit you will ever hear. If there is a giant ass door, with a giant ass lock, which requires a key that is also giant as ass, I will also assume, Fi, that there is a 90% chance that something important is in there. You don't need to tell me that every time I walk into a dungeon, or a I flip a switch, or I find a new tool or weapon, and you certainly don't need to hold me there and force me to hear it every time.

I need a sword exorcist.